Beyond Birthday FanFic - Chapter 1
by ValsheStaRain
Summary: Beyond Birthday's feeling depressed and soon tells Light all about it. Light has a crush on BB, and uses this as a chance to confess... ;D a bit of BBxLight, but no yaoi. TwT (I don't know what to call the title so... yeah.)


My Beyond Birthday Fanfiction. [doesn't really have a title or a name or anything so.. let's just call it what it actually is. ;3]

**Author's Note: **

Okay, so this is basically about Beyond Birthday being depressed. I know it's a bit of a _depressing_ thing to write about but I don't think there are enough, and by that I mean virtually _no_ fanfics about BB being depressed. I mean, there are plenty of depression fanfics for characters that are happy in their animes but then none for characters who have done things to actually _do _with being sad and stuff. Like Beyond Birthday who actually attempted to commit suicide in the manga/book, The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases and yet there are NO fanfics with him being depressed in them! Plus, he seems the kind of character to be depressed since he's a psychopath and stuff... ;D

The reason I want to find a fanfic about BB being depressed is because I think fanfics like that are interesting and can be kinda dramatic. So.. yeah.

I don't own anything.

Cuz if I did own Death Note, Beyond Birthday would most definitely be in it and it would have some shonen-ai stuff in it.

And if I owned BB…well, let's just say the list is probably near enough _endless!_ :D [I would definitely steal his strawberry jam to wind him up though ;3]

**BTW! There isn't yaoi in this but there is BB x Light in this a tiny bit. ;3

But anyways.. on with the storyyy! :3

[when I say 'everyone', I mean L, Light, Misa, Ryuk, Watari, Matsuda and BB. They're all friends and all live together in this...]

* * *

It was a normal but cold afternoon and everyone was happily doing their own thing.

All except one.

Beyond Birthday, or BB for short, was sitting on his bed hugging his legs to his chest, lights off, curtains drawn and head buried in his knees.

He wasn't happy. He wasn't doing his own thing (which would probably be eating strawberry jam). So he most certainly _wasn't_ happily doing his own thing like everyone else.

He'd been up in his room nearly all day. The only reason he'd come down a few times was either because he was thirsty or someone wouldn't stop calling him for something.

He was depressed, and nobody knew.

Everyone thought he was happy, because that's how he acted. Everyone thought he was okay, because that's how he acted. Nobody thought he was lonely, because he never showed it. And everyone thought he was sitting in his room stuffing his face with strawberry jam, because that's what he usually did. Until Misa wondered why there was still the same amount of strawberry jam jars in the fridge as there had been for the past 5 days.

_Maybe he's not feeling too well…_ she wondered, closing the fridge door again and preparing a glass of water to take up to BB.

Whilst she did so, BB had negative thoughts racing through his mind, each one breaking his heart even more until he finally began to cry.

_Everyone thinks I'm such a creep… People call me weirdo and freaky and psychopath. They think it doesn't bother me, but it does. I cry every day because of it. At the end of the day, I always take offence and insult of all the things people have said to me through the day. They think I'm fine. I'm not. Not at all. All those stupid people who call me all those names and make my life a misery just get on my nerves so much I want to punch the wall continuously until my knuckles are completely shattered! I want to strangle all them people! Kick them, punch them, just HURT them. I want them all to DIE!-_

His thoughts were interrupted as someone walked through the door.

He froze.

Everything froze. His muscles, his brain, his sobs, his ears, his breath, and time.

Not once had anyone EVER seen him cry in his life! What was he supposed to do!?

"Hey BB! I saw that there's still the same amount of strawberry jam in the fridge so I just wondered if you're feeling okay? Ya know, cuz you're like, _always _eating jam! Or have you just _finally _gone off strawberry jam?"

"Oh.. no. I just.. don't feel like jam today.."

"…"

Misa stood there with the glass of water looking confused. _What? Since when was there ever a time when BB 'doesn't feel like jam today'? He must be ill._

"Hey, are you sure you're okay? I got you a glass of water just in case..?"

"I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"…well.. okay. Do you want this water or not?"

"Yes. Just leave it on the desk."

"..okay."

Misa did what BB said and left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.

When she got downstairs, she called Light over (since Light had admitted to _only _Misa that he had a crush on BB) and they both went outside in the back garden.

When they got to the little wooden bench at the end of the garden, Misa patted the bench for Light to sit down next to her.

"Soo.. what did you need me for?"

"Well... ya know BB?"

"Yeah, obviously, we do all live together!" Light said jokily.

"I know, I know, but.. anyway. He seems kinda.. upset. Maybe you should go talk to him? Besides, you _do _have a crush on him, right?"

"….yes. But so what? I can't talk to him! I mean, he's _never _upset! So how am I supposed to talk to him? No one's ever had to really do that before anyway, so I can't be the first one, and I like him so that's just gonna make things even _more _awkward!"

"Oh, go on!.. Just try! Ya never know, he may prefer to talk to you than anyone else.. ;P"

"As if."

"Just try. For BB. Please?"

This was going to be a disaster.

"…hhhh…..fine."

"YESSSS! XD" Misa jumped up and skipped back into the house.

Light sat there glaring at the back of Misa's head.

This was probably going to be the most awkward moment in Light's life.

* * *

The next day, it was raining, and BB felt worse. He cried more than he did the previous day, and felt even more worthless and unsociable than ever!

Light was practically practicing what he was going to say as if he had to ask BB out! [which he would like to do at some point in his teenage life]

He was extremely nervous about what BB would do. He was afraid that maybe BB would even _kill _him!

_Noo.. _he thought, _BB wouldn't kill me just for asking him if he's okay. Plus he swore on his life that he wouldn't kill any of us after he'd agreed for us to all be friends and live together. _

…But then again, BB was a strange, apparently 'cannibal' psychopath so he wouldn't be that surprised. As much as he liked BB.

A loud crash from upstairs silenced everyone.

Everyone was so quiet that they could actually, for the first time _ever_, hear BB's soft sobs from his room.

Matsuda looked confused and shocked at the same time.

"Is that BB _crying_?.." he whispered.

Everyone else whispered things along the lines of 'I think so'.

Just then, to Light's _horror_, Misa blurted out,

"Hey Light, why don't you go talk to him? See what's up? I mean, you're _perfect_ to comfort people and stuff!"

"What!? How the _hell _am I 'perfect to comfort people'!?"

"Because you just are! Sure, L's a LOT smarter than you but comforting people isn't the kind of thing L does so well, Watari has to like, _guard_ L so he can't do it, Ryuk would probably just be the creepy shinigami he is and do a load of creepy stuff, I can't do it cuz he's a guy and it might be a 'guy thing', and Matsuda, well, he'd probably just mess up and say something stupid. No offence by the way."

Light was most likely to mess up and say something stupid if _he_ had to try and comfort his creepy, adorable, psychopath crush.

"Yes. What Misa has just said is quite true, so you _should _go up." L was looking at Light with his dark, wide, panda-like eyes.

"Well.. what am I supposed to do?.."

"Just go up and ask him if he's okay. If he says he's fine then just try and get something out of him, because he was clearly crying since there isn't anyone else upstairs. When he starts to say to you what's wrong, make sure you listen and try to comfort him the best you can. Try not to say anything that might make him feel worse. But just remember, Light, he may not feel as though he can open up to you, so if you ask him if he'd prefer to talk with someone else, it'll make him feel like you care. And don't be loud and say random stupid things. Okay?"

L was always so descriptive, which was good, especially at this time.

"…okay."

Misa leaped with joy.

"YAY! Go on then, Light!"

"I'm going, I'm going!.."

He sighed and rolled his eyes as he plodded up the stairs and toward BB's bedroom door.

Everyone else had starting talking and being loud again. _Good. Now they won't hear me make a fool of myself to a psychopath killer._

Light had always wondered why he liked BB. He called him so many bad names that were true yet Light loved him a lot. He had actually seen a quote online that said something like .. when you love someone, the brain ignores the bad things so you only really see the flaws. (I literally saw this on Google)

Maybe that was why.

He took a deep breath, then quietly knocked on BB's door.

"BB?..." he was shaking already. "You alright in there?"

BB's sobs had stopped and he could hear him sniffing and the moving of material. He was probably wiping his eyes so he didn't look like he'd been crying.

"I'm fine." His voice was shaky and sounded hurt, yet it was loud and he sounded quite positive.

"Are you sure? It sounded like you were crying?.."

That's the one thing BB didn't want them to notice.

"I wasn't crying. I'm fine."

Light was about to walk away, but he kept in mind that L had said that if BB said he was fine, then to try and get something out of him.

So he did.

But he figured that talking through the door wouldn't make things any easier.

_Or would it? I'd be less nervous talking to him through a door than in person.._

He knocked again anyway.

"Well.. can I come in?.."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Because what?

"Because I don't want you to."

"Why don't you want me to?"

"Because I don't."

"Why?"

BB let out a loud audible sigh.

Light hadn't even walked through the door and he'd already done something stupid.

"Sorry.. but please can I come in. I want to ask you something important."

"I'm sure L would give you a better answer than me."

"No!..." why was he so obnoxious? "I can't ask L because… because… I think only you know the answer!"

"…"

"So please can I come in?"

He heard more moving and some dryer sniffs.

"Fine."

_Phew. _Light sighed quietly and prepared to go in. His hand was slowly reaching for the handle. He'd only seen BB's room twice and he'd never really been in it properly. His hand touched the handle and began to slowly turn it clockwise. He was afraid of what he'd see inside. What was the loud crash from? The door clicked quietly and opened a tiny bit.

Light opened the door slowly, looking around everywhere as he walked in.

As he pushed the door to behind him, he didn't want to close it completely, but knew he had to, so he pushed it until it clicked.

He took another deep breath and walked toward his crush, who was sitting on the edge of his bed facing the opposite wall to the door.

_Why am I so _afraid_ to approach my crush? No. I'm not afraid. I'm just nervous. It's all nerves._

BB's face came into view as Light walked around the end of the bed slowly until he stood a few steps away from the other.

He was staring at the bottom of the wall, sitting up straight, fiddling with his finger nail. Light heard him swallow. His face looked paler than usual, his eyes were red and his nose looked a little runny.

He was wearing a long sleeved black and white shirt with black skinny jeans and no shoes.

His small, bony hands were half covered by his sleeves and his feet looked white from cold.

Light sat down next to him.

"..you have been crying, haven't you?"

BB looked down to his lap.

"BB."

"Maybe.."

"..I'll take that as a yes. You look like you've been crying and we all heard you crying after that crash. What was that anyway?"

"What was what?"

"The crash?"

Apparently BB was accidently dropped on his head as a baby so he was also a bit nutty.

"Oh… It was nothing."

"Yeah it was."

"..I kicked the bedside table."

"…oh."

_Wouldn't it hurt to kick something like that with no shoes on? Or maybe he kicked it with the bottom of his foot.._

"So what's this important thing you need to ask me?"

"What? Oh! Right.. that.. well, that doesn't matter now. All that matters right now is if you're okay. Which you're not so, tell me. What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Then why were you crying?"

Light wasn't really nervous or scared at all now. The way BB looked when he was upset… you'd never think he was a serial killer.

"I don't know…."

"What? You must know!"

"Go away."

"No. Not until you tell me. I'm not leaving until I know what's wrong and then I'll help you to fix it. "

"You can't fix it."

"Why?"

"Cuz it's not broken."

"…."

_It's a fine thing to say but since I don't know what the heck he's talking about it just sounds odd._

"What's not broken?"

"The bedside table."

"…what?"

_The bedside table? Was that the only reason he was crying? Cuz he kicked the bedside table?_

"That's why you were crying?"

"No."

"BB! Just tell me! The sooner you tell me, the sooner I'll stop nagging you!"

"The sooner you go away, the sooner you won't _have_ to nag me anymore."

"…."

Being obnoxious again.

"But then you'd still be upset."

"So?"

"Well we all care! We don't want you to be upset!"

"Then all of you can stop _making_ me upset."

"..making you upset? What, you mean _we're_ the reason you're sad?"

"….yes."

"How? What have we done?"

"I know it's a joke most of the time but everyone does it. You all call me freak and weirdo and creepy and psychopath. I know those things are true but they're still not nice because I don't _want _to be a freaky creepy weirdo psychopath. I just wanna be normal like the rest of you. It's not my fault! I was dropped on my head by accident when I was a baby so it made me nutty. I might laugh it off when you guys say those things but it really hurts. Every time. I literally feel my heart breaking and my stomach flipping when you guys say that."

"..."

_..He has feelings. o_o_

"So now you know, you can go away."

"You think I'm just gonna walk away? Just because you told me what's wrong it's still not sorted is it?

"No."

"Exactly. So, I'm gonna go downstairs and tell everyone to shut up saying all those horrible things to you! :)"

"...it won't work."

"Yes it will. I'll make it work. Watch me."

"I'd rather just stay up here..."

"..it was a figure of speech.. You don't have to literally _watch _me!.."

"Good."

Light put his arm around BB's shoulder, though he _knew_ that BB hated to be touched.

"Just don't worry, okay? If anyone says something to you like that, then ignore them."

"That's easier said than done, Light."

"I know but.. just try. It'll make you feel a _little _better...?"

"..Okay."

Light smiled and leaned forward, giving BB a small kiss on the cheek.

"No matter how many arguments and fights all of us have had with each other, we all love you."

BB forced a small quick smile, not looking at Light, just to show he was listening and to try and seem less miserable.

Light leaned forward again, whispering into BB's ear..  
"Especially me..3"

The raven haired boy turned his head slightly as he averted his eyes toward Light, who smiled again, stood up and left the room without another word.

BB just sat there, going over what Light had said to him.

After Light saying that he especially loved BB, he seemed to feel more trust toward him.

_He thinks it's that simple. He thinks that I just feel upset about them calling me names. He's wrong. There's so much more to it._

He wanted to prove to Light just _how _heart broken he really was...

...And the scars on his arms would be just perfect..


End file.
